Lucas Michael Roberts

April 19, 2010:
So for the summer, I will be posting regularly here, but also at least once a week here: Summer Time Blog.
This one will be more for daily vibes, and that one for more description and narrative type things.

Cheers!

April 18, 2010:
I have not blogged for a long time. I kinda hate myself for it.
I am done school! Summer for Lucas Michael Roberts has begun. However, I am not sure how I am going to keep myself occupied. I have been applying to different jobs at www.workinculture.ca for various jobs. I am interested in working as much as I can, but it seems like I am way better at trying to find work than I would be at working. I have been putting resumes and letters out and searching ans stuff for weeks now. It is not fun.
I am going home soon. Just for 10 days or so. I am really really excited. I miss my family very much. And I miss my band too. It is weird not having them around to hang out with. I miss my mom especially. She is still recovering from surgery, and doing quite well, so she is often thinking about my sister and I because she is developing a sort of cabin fever.
When I go home I am going to be working with my step dad on some projects he has, paid projects for friends of his. I am excited to make some good money, and work hopefully 40+ hours. That could be a lot of money. I hope I can do it. There is also this stag & doe that I am going to run sound for, and play a few of my new songs.
I have a bunch of new material. Father, Spirit Run, Streets Wait and Meet Me in Montauk. They are all really good. I will post them all separately as lyrics. They are really good, and very playable in concert.
I am excited to just sit and have a coffee with my mom. I miss it a lot.
Okay, I am not feelin this blog. I want to, but I am just stuck.

cheers.
(I was going to name it summer, but it didnt fit)

April 5, 2010:
I am just having a really good day.
I had counseling today, wrote a letter to my little inner child. It was amazing. I'd share it, but it is personal, and well, maybe one day. Not today.

I also recorded a song that I wrote.

My sisters maid of honor came over, she is one of my best friends too. I love her. That was good to have her over.

I watched Wally and had a beer. Oh the life of a 19 year old.

Good ol' crappy post eh?


sorry it isn't interesting.

April 2, 2010:
Happy Easter: I Love Easter.
Jesus, a 34(ish) year old man...Bore the sin of the world.

How awesome is that?

Mar. 22, 2010:
So, there is two parts of someones mind. Today in my counseling session, we talked about these. I have some decisions to make, and she encouraged me to think about my emotions a bit more than I am used to. In fact, this is really hard.
So I closed my eyes, and started to relax, and try to think about what used to be, what I want, and how to get there. As she walked me through the thoughts, I saw a boy, me, on the left side of a canyon. He was yelling my thoughts, verbally screaming what I was thinking. There was direction in his voice though, directed to the other side: to the other boy on the right side. So the first boy was my thoughts, my intellect, and my knowledge. He was yelling all these thoughts without much opinion, mostly fact, to the other boy. The second boy took the thoughts and echoed them, but with emotion, feeling, and ideas that I didn't even know I had. It was incredible to almost visually see theses thoughts.
I mean, it was really hard at first because I am not used to thinking about my emotions. I am logical, and think, "what would someone, a character; what would one think if this happened to them?" So I am excited to try harder to use my emotions. I got a rug that I am gonna meditate on (note: wiki how: Meditate)
So ya, it was incredible, to actually visualize my mind being transferred from Intellect to Emotion. I might write the book "Intellect to Emotion: 5 Easy Steps" by Lucas Roberts, Ph.D.

Mar. 22, 2010:
I am at Tyndale. I just had a philosophy exam. Death.


Actually, I think I did well. There were five definitions and 2 essays. I wrote the essays on Charles Darwin and Immanuel Kant. The Darwin one was more about Stephen J. Gould, and his Fossil Record belief.
Any ways, I was asked by a friend why I study philosophy. And it made me think.

I really don't want to blog about this. If you, whoever reads this, have more questions, I would love to chat with you about it. Leave a comment, I will re-blog some answers.

Mar. 18, 2010:
Today, I wrote a letter to 12 of my neighbours and put it in their mailboxes. The letter was mostly letting them know that I can help them with lawn-care and landscaping and other jobs throughout the summer. I took it to one house as the owner, a young-middle age man, came out. We talked for a minute, and he said that he just fired his previous lawn-care employee. He said he would love to hire me for the summer, so I said I'd keep an eye on his lawn and when it is ready for the first cut, I'd be there. We agreed that every friday of the summer, I would cut it. This is the work of God. Right now, I have $60.00, and I need $300.00+ for rent and food. So, Thank you, Lord, for helping me out with this coincidence.
I love Spring. I can feel the earth renewing itself with the sun and the plants coming to life. :) It is all good.

Mar. 17, 2010:
StreetLight
Oh to you, streetlight,
Illuminating my life.
You're a place for kind words:
Overseeing friendship
And smiling down upon us. If only we spent more time under your warmth...

My brother-in-law wrote this as his Facebook status yesterday, alluding to an awkward conversation I was having, and that I should tell the other person, "meet me under the street light". I never did, but it probably would have been helpful.
I then recorded it.

Mar. 12, 2010:
Yesterday, I got my first letter from George Brown College. It wasn't an acceptance letter, nor was it a refusal. It was just a letter with some words of appreciation that I chose George Brown. I was excited to read it, but then nervous. And I started to rethink a lot.
I know that I don't need a university degree to be a social worker, but there is not a lot of money in that, and I do not want to limit myself. I feel like one of the only reasons I am stooping down to college is because I can't afford it. This leaves me upset with myself because I have always believed that money shouldn't be an issue when deciding your future. I am just nervous that after four semesters of college, I will be left with a Ontario College Diploma and the need for more education to do what I want to do, all because in 2009, I didn't have money, not like I ever really did have money, or do I expect to ever have money. I just feel a bit sick, like I could keep going if it weren't for work cutting my hours. Then I think, I am working so hard at finding jobs, I could probably be doing better in school, but I am constantly worried about how I will help my sister and brother in-law out with groceries for us, or how I will pay rent. As of next week, I am going to be working two jobs and helping neighbours with lawn-care. This is all well and fine, except that it discourages me to know that other people just have money from their parents and I have to work so hard to even pay for my necessities. Basic necessities that cost $500 per month that I just don't have.
I also miss my old friends right now. Both old friends from back home, and from Tyndale. I feel disconnected and left out from them.
I always thought that I loved change, but I am just having one of those melancholy days of thought. I am in debt to the bank, at a loss for old relationships, and my stomach is physically churning.

Mar. 8, 2010:
In my life, things are often so stressful, so anxious, so difficult to fully comprehend and so confusing. Although there are a lot of hurt feelings in the past, I need my dad. He is always so comforting, so relaxed, so careful with his words, so apt to listen to my words. I don't always find this with other people, in fact, I more find that my words are over looked because I do not come across as mature, I often come across as a follower: able to step on with authority and judgment. With my dad, I know that he listens to me and reflects on the words that I speak, never over looking them or second guessing their meaning. I don't know what I would do without my dad.

Mar. 8, 2010:
Today, I am writing early because I was inspired. I have just learned about the proof of Gods existence from a Logical and Reasonable perspective.
Here's what I learned (with help from Immanuel Kant)
In order to even talk about God, we must have Reason to know that there is an Idea of God.
To read the Bible, therefore learning about God, one must assert Reason and Logic to comprehend the words that teach about Gods existence.
I didn't really understand that part. But I did get this...
In Kant's Critique of Pure Reason, The Antimony of Pure Reason, he states the Thesis and Antitheses: the thesis being "The world has a beginning, and is also limited as regards to space" (Kant, 396). I agree with this because Gen. 1:1 (In the beginning the Lord created the Heavens and the Earth :: in the beginning) Therefore, God created the universe at t=0. I also agree that the universe is limited, but is constantly expanding. Prof. Davis described it like a balloon, when you start blowing the balloon up, it is not infinite: when God started the universe, it is not infinite (it is constantly expanding, however). By this example, if there is no starting point, then you cannon arrive at NOW, therefore the number of past events is finitet (the world has a beginning). Because everything (effects) has a cause, the universe is the effect of a creator (perfect being, God).
Kant's Proof:::
"If we assume that the world has no beginning in time, then up to every given moment an eternity has elapsed, and there has passed away in the world an infinite series of successive states of things. Now the infinity of a series consists in the fact that it can never be completed through successive synthesis. It thus follows that it is impossible for an infinite world-series to have passed away, and that a beginning of the world is therefore a necessary condition of the world's existence. This was the first point that called for proof" (Kant, 397).
(Kant was an unbeliever and still proved the necessity and proof for the existence of God from a logical standpoint using only reason. And because there cannot be a contradiction, the Antithesis [the world has no beginning, and no limits in space; it is infinite s regards both time and space])

Woah!
The professor then went on to say that God entered into Time, and therefore changes (like Aquinas theorized). The class did not have enough time to explain this, but I think I may agree. God is unchanging in his power and being, but changing in accendental things (ie. he is not answering a miracle now that was answered last year; this is the same change that occurs when someone walks away from me - the person was 1 metre away, and now is 2 metres therefore I have gone through an accendental change).

We will unwrap this a bit more next class, on Wednesday.

Mar. 2, 2010:
Blogging becomes more and more infrequent as the days go by. That's okay though right?
I just ate some Apple Pancakes: pretty radical.
Yesterday I was reminded that a colon can be used to connect one complete clause with a sentence fragment - see the example above.
Yesterday was my friends birthday. We hung out at her house - a fantastic apartment like that of a James Bond action. We went swimming in the heated pool room, in the hot tub, then in the sauna. It was all stellar stuff. After basking in the royal mist of this apartment, we decided to go downtown Toronto to see the CN tower light up. We walked and walked until we were at the base. Very fun times. It is really cool how it lights up with colours and stuff. Bah! My diction is becoming childish, I am sorry.
We then found some McDonald's free coffee, and then made our way home.
My friend had a baby last night. I am really excited about this. I worked for her dad throughout high-school, and so, I feel like part of the family. I am ecstatic about this new creation.
My computer is slowly dying. The battery lasts for less than two hours on a full charge and the fan runs at 6000+ RPM constantly. This fact is disappointing.
Thanks all!

Feb. 25, 2010:
I got home last night from my old home (from Petrolia [which is finally on Google Street View] to Toronto). I had a really good time back home. It was very successful, and fun. My mom just got out of surgery, and was transported back home, so we had a really good time talking. While she was in the hospital, she did a lot of thinking about how blessed her children are. My brother and sister (both older than I) sat in her room as she laid in pain and talked to her. She was crying and telling us how grateful she is that she has three really healthy, good looking, children that are all in University and living out the dreams we have always had. My sister (21) is married and starting a drop in centre for kids in low-income houses (like freedom writers). My brother (22) is dating a girl in England and just got accepted to Keele University in Northern England; he is a writer and researcher in English and History. And I (19 in a month exactly) am living in Toronto, writing music and getting gigs, and studying Human Services and Sociology. My mother had a lot of time to think about who we are as a family and be proud of us. This was a very touching moment as a child of such a broken family.
My brother and I recorded a song on Monday for one of his classes. It was a medley of five songs from the American South in the 1930s and earlier. The songs were typical Black Spiritual songs so we, as two white boys, maybe brutalized it. But I really like the final outcome. I did most of the instruments, and my brother did Trumpet and helped to produce the song. I was impressed with his musical knowledge after being out of the loops since high school. He still knows how to write score music a lot more than me. Crazy!
I spent some quality time with my cousin as well, he is going through some hard times (he is 16) so I tried to empathize with him. His parents are going through some hard times too, so I think he liked to just Jam with me and escape that stress. He played Piano and I played Acoustic guitar. That was really fun. He is good!
So now, I am home in Toronto. My sister and brother in-law rearranged the apartment, and I love it!
I cleaned my room really good. And that feels good too...

Feb. 25, 2010:
Once again, it has been a while since my last post. I maybe shouldn't say that I will update this all the time, that puts a limit on how much time I spend away from my MacBook.
I played a wicked gig last Saturday night. I honestly played 10 songs in 35 minutes. I know that it sounds like my songs must be easy and small, but they are just normal songs. I didn't talk to the audience a lot, but did make them laugh a few times. The show was a battle of the bands style so most of the bands were sixteen year old's trying to impress their parents with three cover songs that they spent hours and hours learning in the basement jam room. I just played a bunch of random songs from my life that I have written. I started by saying, "I, unlike the other bands, am going to play all originals; except for a few covers from my first album, so they are originals too". Then, I played. I only forgot one lyric the whole night, which is a drastic difference from other shows that I have played. I loved playing.
After the show, I did rounds to different groups of friends saying Hello and Thank you for coming. That is a fun part of the night. I settled down with a friend from work and her friends. We hung out for a few hours after the show. We went to McDonalds and to a random mall on Yonge and Eglington. I am really excited about this because I now have a group of friends that are decent! They are all going to come over on Friday for Nachos and a movie.
I am now going to write another blog, but it is so different, I will just make a new one.

Feb. 17, 2010:
I have not blogged for a few days simply because I have been absolutely swamped with business. I cannot believe how quickly a day goes by when all of a sudden it is morning again.
I have been getting ready for my two shows coming up. I am excited and nervous for two reasons: I just wrote these songs, so I am not fully confident on singing the lyrics properly (I forget them a lot) and because I am so used to getting hyper when I am on stage, but I want to just be chill and relaxed. My new songs are lower, so if I am hyper or adrenalin is running through my veins, then I might not be able to hit all the low notes. I am a bit scared. But I am really excited because the people who are coming to see me have not really seen me perform before, so they will see the new music and perfected voice.
Today, I took resumés out to a local mall. I dropped a total of ten off at various stores including: NoFrills, Canadian Tire, Zellers, the Pickle Barrel, Subway, Shoppers Drug Mart, Le Chateau, Stiches and The Bay. Now, the last three are the best because they would be something that I have never done before: clothing service. Le Chateau is actually my favourite because it is all womens fashion. When I took my resumé the manager and associate checked me out [I was looking pretty stellar today] and then asked if I realized that it was all womens fashion to which I responded "yes, I am aware. I would love to work here". Then, I walked up with my clicking shoes to these old ladies at the Bay and they checked me out. I asked if I could drop a resume off and they were both like "YES!"
\\Ego Booster//

Today is Pancake Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday. I had pancakes yesterday, so I had a leftover one this morning. I really liked it. We put slivers of apple in the pancake mix, so it was really tastie.

For Lent, I have no idea what to give up. I am prodestant, so I have never practiced Lent, but I might this year. I have not yet decided.

For now, I am leaving. I will write more frequently again, but maybe not this week. That also, I have yet to decide.

Feb. 13, 2010:
I just finished watching Avatar.
...
Speechless.





today was boring; I woke up at 12:30. I recorded and ate. I went to sleep at 3:40. I woke up at 6:00. I went for McDonalds at 9:00. I watched Avatar. I wrote a blog. I went to sleep.

Feb. 13, 2010:
I am sorry I didn't write yesterday. T'was a long day.
I had class in the morning, it was really long, and boring. I feel like I haven't learned much in that class. Old Testament Scriptures. I just don't really understand his teaching style.
Then, I hung out in one of my good girl friends rooms with two of my good friends (the one that I dated for a bit and then my really close bestie :P lol)...
I hate that type of language.
I love hanging out with them, more than anything. It is really good to know they are always there.
I came home, I got a ride with my ex-girlfriend (I hate that word too). It was good because there are just no hard feelings. I love it. Also, her mom is pretty cool, so I got to talk to her too.
I gotta start giving my friends names, I am just scared that they will all get upset and internet creeps like YOU will find them and cut off their limbs.
Then, my dad and his girlfriend came over. Now, this is a man with a good heart, but not always so smooth. I don't know. One day, I will describe him better. My sister and I had some things we wanted to talk to him about, just letting him know how we have felt about some things like the divorce in 2001 and things all leading up to now, but we were enjoying the conversation a lot, and there was not a lot of openings to ruin it with angst. So we didn't.
I stayed up too late last night. I was writing a new song, which will probably be really cool when it is done, but I could have done it all today instead. I wrote a piano part yesterday. That was cool.
Eating Macaroni and Cheese gets so boring.

Feb. 11, 2010:
It is late, once again. And, once again, I had an okay day.
I woke up at around 12:30. A good sleep last night led to a good day. I had two coffees, then another coffee: all while playing my guitar to a medley that I have mentioned earlier. After the coffee and guitar (which again, was a long and painful process), I had a bath. I just lay there submersed in the warm water. I started to wrinkle up, so I got out. I have low blood sugar, and today was a very strange amount of death-like feeling. I barely made it out of the tub, then I didn't even dry my hair. I could hardly make my hands reach my head. I stumbled out of the bathroom and made my way to my room. I struggled to put some clothes on and walked to the kitchen. I immediately put some oatmeal in the microwave, which is on top of the fridge. I was shaking so bad I almost dropped the bowl. Then, I sat at the table and waited for the beeper to go off. It seemed like forever. Then, I had to actually use my arm strength to get me out of the chair. I added some brown sugar and maple syrup to the bowl and shoveled it into my mouth. I then chugged some coke, for a quick bit of sugar, and then sat in silence until I regained some strength. It was scary, but I am okay!

Later, I wrote an essay that is due next week. I don't know why I wrote it so early. I just did. I guess I am excited because the more time I spend on it, the better mark I will get. It just makes sense.

My mom is having surgery tomorrow. I am scared for her, but know that God will help her through it. She has had a terrible back her whole life, but this year has been absolute spasm all year. It hasn't been easy. Any ways, she is having a disk taken out, and a bone transfusion.
Now, my mom is fairly humorous, sorta like myself. I would say I get my jokes from her. I am a plagiarist. Her dr. told her she was getting a donor bone and she laughed out loud. She repeted, "hmm...sir, a Donor Boner?" ... she told me after that he, out of all the doctors, was the only one that was not funny, in fact, he almost choked when she said "boner".

I watched SlumDog Millionaire. This was incredible. I am sure you all know about it already, so I won't bore you. It was simply inspirational. The camera shots were magnificant and the acting was smooth. I liked the flashback sequence. I liked the language and the use of subtitles. This was all intriguing. \\ my friends are going on a missions trip to India this summer. I am fearful that they will get caught in any of those areas, but again, God will have His hand over them.

Goodnight.

Feb. 10, 2010:
Today was a decent day. I had a philosophy exam in the morning which I think I did ... well, I passed. I stumbled on only one question. Actually, this is MY blog, I think that maybe I only did okay, but I did pass.
Also, lets see. I want to be more honest. Like, it is crazy. Sometimes, even today, I am writing something that is more readable than emotional. I don't know. I will try to write more of my simple feelings. Tell me what you think.

I am working on composing a medley of old songs with my brother. I am not totally sure what the project is for. I think it is for one of his History classes. Any ways, he is going to come here on his reading week and we will record a bunch. He plays trumpet, so we wrote out all the sheet music; he will play trumpet and arrange it, I will record it and play the instruments other than that. Any ways, it is going to be hard to plan it all out - like, really hard. Even tonight, we were kind of fighting over key and chord structures...

Recently my back has been in some sort of a spasm. While I was in the tub yesterday, I was trying to think my way out of pain ... it didn't work. I am going to go to the hospital soon and talk to a rheumatoid arthritis specialist. I am scared because I am only 18. Also, like, back in the summer when I was diagnosed with it, I just thought it was funny; but now, I am scared and thinking more and more about my future. Like, if I barely make it out of bed in the morning because my joints just seize, and have to toss and turn to get out of pain to make myself fall asleep, and can't keep up with the guys in sports, how am I going to wake up early to make my wife breakfast in bed, how will I make love to her into the night, and how will I work all day and still run around with my kids all night? I am just scared of growing old too fast. Even now, my fingers hurt a bit and my legs and back are in a lot of pain. It is stupid.