Lucas Michael Roberts

Mar. 12, 2010:
Yesterday, I got my first letter from George Brown College. It wasn't an acceptance letter, nor was it a refusal. It was just a letter with some words of appreciation that I chose George Brown. I was excited to read it, but then nervous. And I started to rethink a lot.
I know that I don't need a university degree to be a social worker, but there is not a lot of money in that, and I do not want to limit myself. I feel like one of the only reasons I am stooping down to college is because I can't afford it. This leaves me upset with myself because I have always believed that money shouldn't be an issue when deciding your future. I am just nervous that after four semesters of college, I will be left with a Ontario College Diploma and the need for more education to do what I want to do, all because in 2009, I didn't have money, not like I ever really did have money, or do I expect to ever have money. I just feel a bit sick, like I could keep going if it weren't for work cutting my hours. Then I think, I am working so hard at finding jobs, I could probably be doing better in school, but I am constantly worried about how I will help my sister and brother in-law out with groceries for us, or how I will pay rent. As of next week, I am going to be working two jobs and helping neighbours with lawn-care. This is all well and fine, except that it discourages me to know that other people just have money from their parents and I have to work so hard to even pay for my necessities. Basic necessities that cost $500 per month that I just don't have.
I also miss my old friends right now. Both old friends from back home, and from Tyndale. I feel disconnected and left out from them.
I always thought that I loved change, but I am just having one of those melancholy days of thought. I am in debt to the bank, at a loss for old relationships, and my stomach is physically churning.