Lucas Michael Roberts

Mar. 22, 2010:
So, there is two parts of someones mind. Today in my counseling session, we talked about these. I have some decisions to make, and she encouraged me to think about my emotions a bit more than I am used to. In fact, this is really hard.
So I closed my eyes, and started to relax, and try to think about what used to be, what I want, and how to get there. As she walked me through the thoughts, I saw a boy, me, on the left side of a canyon. He was yelling my thoughts, verbally screaming what I was thinking. There was direction in his voice though, directed to the other side: to the other boy on the right side. So the first boy was my thoughts, my intellect, and my knowledge. He was yelling all these thoughts without much opinion, mostly fact, to the other boy. The second boy took the thoughts and echoed them, but with emotion, feeling, and ideas that I didn't even know I had. It was incredible to almost visually see theses thoughts.
I mean, it was really hard at first because I am not used to thinking about my emotions. I am logical, and think, "what would someone, a character; what would one think if this happened to them?" So I am excited to try harder to use my emotions. I got a rug that I am gonna meditate on (note: wiki how: Meditate)
So ya, it was incredible, to actually visualize my mind being transferred from Intellect to Emotion. I might write the book "Intellect to Emotion: 5 Easy Steps" by Lucas Roberts, Ph.D.

Mar. 22, 2010:
I am at Tyndale. I just had a philosophy exam. Death.


Actually, I think I did well. There were five definitions and 2 essays. I wrote the essays on Charles Darwin and Immanuel Kant. The Darwin one was more about Stephen J. Gould, and his Fossil Record belief.
Any ways, I was asked by a friend why I study philosophy. And it made me think.

I really don't want to blog about this. If you, whoever reads this, have more questions, I would love to chat with you about it. Leave a comment, I will re-blog some answers.

Mar. 18, 2010:
Today, I wrote a letter to 12 of my neighbours and put it in their mailboxes. The letter was mostly letting them know that I can help them with lawn-care and landscaping and other jobs throughout the summer. I took it to one house as the owner, a young-middle age man, came out. We talked for a minute, and he said that he just fired his previous lawn-care employee. He said he would love to hire me for the summer, so I said I'd keep an eye on his lawn and when it is ready for the first cut, I'd be there. We agreed that every friday of the summer, I would cut it. This is the work of God. Right now, I have $60.00, and I need $300.00+ for rent and food. So, Thank you, Lord, for helping me out with this coincidence.
I love Spring. I can feel the earth renewing itself with the sun and the plants coming to life. :) It is all good.

Mar. 17, 2010:
StreetLight
Oh to you, streetlight,
Illuminating my life.
You're a place for kind words:
Overseeing friendship
And smiling down upon us. If only we spent more time under your warmth...

My brother-in-law wrote this as his Facebook status yesterday, alluding to an awkward conversation I was having, and that I should tell the other person, "meet me under the street light". I never did, but it probably would have been helpful.
I then recorded it.

Mar. 12, 2010:
Yesterday, I got my first letter from George Brown College. It wasn't an acceptance letter, nor was it a refusal. It was just a letter with some words of appreciation that I chose George Brown. I was excited to read it, but then nervous. And I started to rethink a lot.
I know that I don't need a university degree to be a social worker, but there is not a lot of money in that, and I do not want to limit myself. I feel like one of the only reasons I am stooping down to college is because I can't afford it. This leaves me upset with myself because I have always believed that money shouldn't be an issue when deciding your future. I am just nervous that after four semesters of college, I will be left with a Ontario College Diploma and the need for more education to do what I want to do, all because in 2009, I didn't have money, not like I ever really did have money, or do I expect to ever have money. I just feel a bit sick, like I could keep going if it weren't for work cutting my hours. Then I think, I am working so hard at finding jobs, I could probably be doing better in school, but I am constantly worried about how I will help my sister and brother in-law out with groceries for us, or how I will pay rent. As of next week, I am going to be working two jobs and helping neighbours with lawn-care. This is all well and fine, except that it discourages me to know that other people just have money from their parents and I have to work so hard to even pay for my necessities. Basic necessities that cost $500 per month that I just don't have.
I also miss my old friends right now. Both old friends from back home, and from Tyndale. I feel disconnected and left out from them.
I always thought that I loved change, but I am just having one of those melancholy days of thought. I am in debt to the bank, at a loss for old relationships, and my stomach is physically churning.

Mar. 8, 2010:
In my life, things are often so stressful, so anxious, so difficult to fully comprehend and so confusing. Although there are a lot of hurt feelings in the past, I need my dad. He is always so comforting, so relaxed, so careful with his words, so apt to listen to my words. I don't always find this with other people, in fact, I more find that my words are over looked because I do not come across as mature, I often come across as a follower: able to step on with authority and judgment. With my dad, I know that he listens to me and reflects on the words that I speak, never over looking them or second guessing their meaning. I don't know what I would do without my dad.